Hop On... Hop Off...

One thing that is commonly found in everyone’s bathroom, whether they battle the bulge or are splendidly slender, is… a scale! (insert dramatic music here: DUN, DUN, DUN!) Yes, there are the select few individuals who say, “I don’t have a scale because I don’t need to be a slave to a number that could dictate the way I feel about myself; love yourself and create a loving environment...blah, blah, blah...” As tree-loving and granola as that sentiment is, the realistic scenario is that most Americans have a scale somewhere in their bathroom/house (even if it is a 1950’s banana yellow scale with a 10 lb margin of error stuffed in the back of your towel closet).

The thing about a scale is that it can be your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time. It has the power to make you feel like the skinniest girl next to Angelina Jolie (yes, right leg slit dress included), or it can make you feel as though you’re tapping on the door of needing the Biggest Loser trainers. Either way, during maintenance it is tough to know when to use the scale and when to ignore its tantalizing powers!

When I first began the real journey of weight loss, maintenance, I was on the scale as often as I was for weight loss (I hate to admit it, but sometimes it was probably close to every day/every other day). Though I didn’t worry too much about the times when the scale was reflecting numbers a bit more elevated than I may have preferred, I made sure to ‘check on’ my maintenance progress regularly.

After a while however, I found myself getting on the scale less and less. I didn’t need to ‘check on’ my weight as I became more in tune with my body. It’s kind of like being a weight loss psychic…I look into my magic crystal ball and feel like I’m going to weigh, say, 153…and-POOF-153 shows up on the scale! Admittedly there are times my crystal ball needs a little polishing because it is way off, but generally speaking, I’m a pretty good maintenance psychic. I have found that there really is no scale that is as accurate as being in tune with your body.

As I started to become more in tune with my body and my weight, maintenance became more ‘manageable’. This is also when one magical thing happened-my scale started to gather DUST! YES, dust I tell you! I was on the scale so little that it had time to gather dust between uses! Now, it’s at this point you’re probably thinking one of two things; either, A-this girl sounds crazy, or B-this girl is gross because she is PROUD of dust?!? Both of these sentiments are likely true, but allow me to elaborate on why I am so prideful of my grubby scale.

The dust that has gathered on my scale is indicative of many things in the dreaded maintenance stage. It shows that I am able to maintain my weight without leaning on the scale as a crutch. It shows that I know my body well enough that I know when I should be stricter with my eating, and when I can splurge and have Chinese food after a bad day (…insert my fridge with last night’s leftovers from $46.00 worth of Chinese food -I did make healthy Chinese food choices though…my fiancé’s tempting Chinese choices-that’s a topic for a whole other post). But most importantly, it shows that I have physical and mental control (at least for a short time) over my maintenance.

Though I am in tune with my body, there are those times when I use the scale for a bit of ….

This help comes in the form of two things, either a swift kick in the butt to say-OK Rachel, you’ve felt fluffy, flabby, and bulgy the past few days-use the number on the scale to get you back on track. Or, OK Rachel, you’ve felt like America’s Next Top Model, hop your slim little self onto that scale and see that itty-bitty number to keep you cruising on the healthy train [tickets for the healthy train can be purchased at your local grocery's produce section ;) ]

With this being said however, I try my freaken hardest to not to get on the scale if it is going to make me feel …

If I know getting on the scale is only going to make me feel worse-I avoid it at all costs! If you know the scale will make you feel like S#!* then you don’t need to get on it-you just need to get back on track! This is the key to maintenance. Allow the dust to gather on that beast for a bit and hop back on when you’re ready. You know your body better than a scale does…trust in yourself, not in a machine dictated by a spring controlled mechanism. (Check out the following link to see the silly little lever and spring inside a scale that we allow to control our lives...it's pretty eye opening A Scale's Innards)

So all in all, when you come over to my apartment and the rest of my bathroom is clean…please don’t mind the dust on my scale.

My Dusty Scale! (Can you feel my pride?!?)

What little things in life remind you that you can do this…with or without the scale? Mine is dust, what is yours?

Until next time…keeping the bulge at bay!

Fluffy Fears and Rusty Revelations...

Ignore the visual you all might be given in about two seconds….I was taking a shower the other day (I warned you...) and had a mini revelation -I am who I am. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But for anyone who has battled the bulge this is the most complicated, devilish statement that one attempts to absorb…EVER!

Allow me to explain further. I am who I am. Five little words that speak more volumes than the Library of Congress could even hold. We have strived to lose the weight, and are succeeding in maintaining that loss…but where do we draw the line? When is enough-enough? When is “only 5 lbs more” actually TOO much to lose? Where is the red light, the stop sign, the huge freaken brick wall that signifies the end of the weight loss road with a flashing orange sign saying ‘Maintenance This Way -->’?

As we all know, weight loss maintenance is 95% a mental game (maybe 94.6% but who needs exact stats anyways) and learning to cope with these issues is the main piece to the maintenance puzzle. However, beyond the games, it’s about accepting that enough is enough; I am who I am. I am healthy, and that is enough.

Yes, I am getting married in 141 days (but who’s counting) and I would like to be “5 lbs down” but, I am who I am. If I stay the weight I am right now forever, I will be happy. This weight is not a struggle, it’s not a fight, it is simply who I am. Maintaining weight is about being at a weight that is manageable. It’s about being at a place where you can balance a slice of cake with more veggies the next day. It’s about balancing your favorite physical activities one day with ‘vegging’ out on the couch another.

What maintaining weight is NOT about is counting every calorie going in your mouth and depriving yourself of the foods that you love. It’s NOT about crying because you can’t work out one day and consequently feel like you’re a healthy failure. And, it’s NOT about stepping on the scale every day to assess your weight loss successes and failures. We are healthy, we are who we are.

While taking that shower a few days ago (again, ignore the visual), I realized that if I can live life the way I do right now and can be the weight I am right now forever-I will be happy with that! As I washed my hair, I envisioned myself 20 years from now, the same size I am today-and I am more than happy with that. Yes, I waiver in this feeling and certainly fear that the fluff will come back; but a half-assed rusty revelation of future success and accepting myself just the way I am now is better than no revelation at all. I am who I am!

We are happy, we are healthy, and we all have flaws; but we are who we are-be happy, accepting, and content with just that! 

When was your ‘I am who I am’ revelation? Hopefully not everyone’s was in the shower like mine was-this isn't that kind of blog ;) haha

Until next time, keeping the bulge at bay!

The Post Fluff-Flab...

There are many actions in life that have side effects which we have been warned like the plague about. Whether true or not, we have been told: don't swim until 30 minutes after eating to avoid a stomachache, don’t be naughty or Santa won’t bring you gifts, even, don’t drink too many margaritas or you’ll be praying to the porcelain gods rather than dancing the night away with your friends -not that I have experience with that one or anything…. ;)

Anyway, we either do or don’t do certain activities many times due to that activity’s side effects. With weight loss, people tend to believe that health, happiness, and strength are the only side effects to weight loss; but this is an epic LIE! Yes, these are fabulous side effects and are most certainly worth venturing down the journey of weight loss for, but there are also silent side effects to weight loss. These silent side effects come in the lovely form of loose skin (or just loose flub/fat remaining), stretch marks, and mental games that last forever! I have many times discussed the mental games that go along with weight issues, since frankly; they make up most of the problem that we find ourselves coping with. However, there are the physical reminders of loose skin/flub and residual stretch marks that stay with us forever as well…pleasant thought, no?

Now, I believe in 100% transparency in this blog! BUT, showing you my vaguely loose ‘flub’ and stretch marks from a stomach blown up with 110 more L-Bs then where I am today, is neither a sight I care to show, nor is it one you likely want to be blinded by haha. However, I’m one of the lucky ones. I lost my weight slowly, and consistently, so my body has adjusted quite well (...perfectly-hell no), but other people aren’t as lucky. Some suffer with drastic amounts of loose skin or parts of their body where the 'flub' just won't disappear.

With that being said, what inspired me to write about this topic was the picture below. I saw this picture a couple of weeks ago, and ever since then I have wanted to create this post. The picture below has been shared on Facebook by many women who have had children and are showing pride for their stretch marks from having been pregnant. It got me thinking about my own stretch marks—that don't exist from anything prideful like having a baby, but rather exist from the demise of being extraordinarily overweight…

I suppose if you look at the situation candidly, I earned my stripes too-with each pizza I consumed (yes, whole pizza-not just slices here people), each ice cream cone I licked, each hamburger I ate, and every mile I didn’t walk, every hike I didn’t take, and every river I didn’t kayak down. In reflecting on this, it can bring a thought of sadness that I allowed my body to get to that state. A state where my skin had to stretch beyond what it was humanly designed for just to be able to accommodate my extra weight.

I look at the above picture as a way for mothers to take ownership of the physical side effects that remain from a beautiful experience...

...and we weight loss conquerors should do the same!

As much as  I want tight arms, fit legs, and a stomach flat enough to bounce a quarter off of as if it were a soldier’s bunk, this may not realistically be in the cards for me (please excuse the toddler-like internal tantrum I’m having at this thought). Behind that loose skin and those tiger stripes used to be fat-and a lot of it. Today, I choose to take pride in my little bit of loose skin because that skin is no longer maxed out like a balloon about to burst from too much helium. Today, I choose to take pride in my tiger stripes! Though they’re certainly not pretty, they are battle wounds from a war that I have been winning for years now (can’t say I have won the war because the battle of the bulge never truly ends).

I am a Tiger (insert seductive, pouncing like-rawwwwwwr here) and though I am ultimately responsible for my stripes, I take ownership of them and am PROUD to take ownership of the healthy tigress I am today! I earned who I am today, and after all, you can't be a fierce tigress without stripes, right?!?

Love yourself, and surround yourself with people that love you exactly the way you are-tiger stripes and all!

What are other unknown side affects you have found to be difficult since losing weight? How do you choose to handle them?

Until next time, keeping the bulge at bay!

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall...Who’s the Fattest of Them All?!?

Why the Queen in ‘Snow White’ never asked this question instead, I may never know, but it is a sentiment that anyone struggling with their weight has coped with. The mirror can either be your best friend or your starkest enemy (personally, my mirror was my BFF last Thursday, and has been a bit of a b%@!h to me this week). Now I know that many of you who have never struggled with your weight do not understand this concept, but the mirror mine-as-well be as dreaded as the (dun, dun, dun) SCALE!

Allow me to explain…while maintaining or losing weight, one is very in tune with their body. Almost every time I step on the scale I know exactly what it is going to say. If I’m feeling and looking a bit heavier-the number is up, and when I’m thinking I’m the skinniest girl next to Barbie [excuse the obvious exaggeration ;) ] -the number tends to be lower. The knowledge of my body accompanied with my fair weathered friend, the mirror, seems to always dictate what I am going to see on the scale. When you think about it, it really isn’t rocket science after all…

However, there is a much more complicated mirror that exists out there-other people! No, I am not referring to what other people think about your weight loss. Rather, if you have lost a good amount of weight it is hard to place your body in relation to friends, family, or hell, even public in general! You tend to always think that you are one of the ‘bigger and fluffier’ people in the room, but in actuality, you probably aren't  anymore…

I find this ‘mirror’ of trying to figure out how big you are in comparison to others very difficult. Now, once again, those of you who have never had to lose weight probably are thinking-why does it matter what your body is like in comparison to others, you should love who you are and how far you’ve come? In actuality this ‘hippie’, ‘granola’, and ‘zen’ like sappiness is true, but if you had a point in your life where you were always conscious of being one of the biggest (if not the biggest) person in the room…then you would understand the need to try to figure out what size your body is in comparison to others now that your extra LBS have been served their eviction notice!

Trying to find where you belong is a form of self-assurance and is a way to seek a bit of inner affirmation that your hard work really is paying off! People who were once heavy always have a feeling that we could lose ‘a few more lbs,’ but in reality (reality in weight loss…never heard of it haha) that may not be the case. Why is it that most people who have always been a size 8 are more content and comfortable with being a size 8 than someone who has fought to be a size 8? Shouldn't I as a fairly newcomer to a size 8 be able to comfortably enjoy it as much as the person with size 8 seniority? Finding this comfort is much easier said than done…I am still trying to find comfort in my size 8 jeans...and my size 8 life.

We always want to be able to say, “I’m finally as skinny as [insert name of your skinny, beautiful, popular friend here] is…”, but somehow, we are never actually able to admit that we ARE as skinny as she is when we get there! I may borrow a pair of jeans from my friend and have them fit perfectly but I will still think she is skinnier than me. It is the dreaded mirror of weight loss that does this to me! I try to battle this by reflecting on my accomplishments often, staying on track (makes you feel better about your body) and trying to think about my new size rationally among my friends (rationality-another thing that doesn't exist in weight loss haha). Some days this works, and some days it doesn't, but overall the goal is to find genuine comfort in my new size and my new 'place' among my loved ones... 

It is very clear that the real mirror we fight is our heads… With this said however, I vow that one day I will concur both the mirror on the wall and the one in my head; either that, or I’ll break that god damned mirror and have 7 years of back luck…who wants that?

How do you all cope with finding your place within the ‘mirror’ of friends/family who have always been smaller than you, but are now around the same size?

Until next time, keeping the bulge at bay!

PS-Here is a website where you enter your height, weight, pant/shirt size, and body type to see other people who meet the same profile…it is a great tool to mentally place your body in relation to others! http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-8959-body-shape.htm

Maneuvering through Motivations…

Everything in life is made easier with motivations…why else would a pot of gold be at the end of that gosh darn rainbow, right? Everyone knows that weight loss should be its own reward, but wouldn’t it be nicer if there was a pot of gold (and, no, I’m not referring to gold chocolate coins) when you reached and maintained goal weight?

Staying motivated constantly is a very hard thing to do in any aspect of life, especially when it comes to your weight. One can constantly remind themselves that being healthy is a gift that is immeasurable in any other form, however, add years upon years of losing weight or maintaining weight loss to the picture, and those original motivation factors may begin to wane.

What keeps people motivated is different for everyone. For example, I am getting married in September and I want to ensure that I am the skinniest I have ever been on that day (shocker right! Like I’m the only bride-to-be that has salivated over this pipe-dream!  haha). This is a great motivating factor to stay healthy between now and then, but what about after I’m married? I am the type of person that always needs a goal to work towards. Yes, health is the ultimate goal, but fitting into a size 4 wouldn’t hurt either!

There was one key moment I remember during my weight loss. When I was in the 211-217 lb range (a tough range for me to conquer), I remember thinking, ‘if I get to 180 I will look like a bombshell and I’ll start maintaining!’ However, of course, when I finally got to 180 I didn’t look at all like what I thought I was going to. Now I’m around 150 and am just beginning to look the way I thought I was going to at 180 (and no, I am not calling myself a bombshell by any means haha). I still want to lose a couple more L-B’s, but the visual thought of what I wanted to look like motivated me through the difficult times, the hard times, and frankly, the times that were more frustrating than squeezing into a pair of spanx that are two sizes too small!

However, now that I’ve been solidified in the maintaining stage for over two years, I find myself still having to find motivation in the craziest places to keep this voyage trucking along. For example, every time I notice that a part of my body looks ‘skinny’ it is a great motivating factor to, even if for only one day, keep me on track and eating healthy (adversely, noticing this has occasionally dragged me to the dark side where I have Satan saying-see, you’re healthy-have a cupcake…or four…). Either way, noticing these accomplishments have generally been the small daily motivators that keep me driving on the veggie and fruit highway without taking the exit to ‘Sugar Land’ (sometimes the car takes the exit itself, I swear it’s not my fault!).

As stated above, a wedding in September (and oh ya, being in three weddings before that!) is an easy and obvious motivator; but I wonder what motivator will keep me propelling forward 25 years from now…maybe that pot of gold that I’m sure will appear on my doorstep when I turn 50 and am still in a healthy weight range?!?

What motivates you to maintain or lose today, tomorrow, and ten years from now?

Until next time, keeping the bulge at bay…